Evening Rhythms

I don’t know about you but for me, morning routines are easier than evening routines. Typically, I tend to be a morning person, so perhaps that is the reason. Also, I like the idea of waking up and setting the tone for the day. A morning routine holds the simplicity of having no distractions. Getting in my yoga practice and some time with Jesus right away before the day starts is a helpful habit so that I know I won’t be distracted or sidelined later. 

I love the idea of ending the day, cozy and tucked into bed with tea and some time in Scripture.

Evening routines are much more of a struggle for me. I know that having a rhythm that tells your brain to slow down and get ready for sleep actually helps you to sleep better. But something always seems to get in the way of my consistent evening routine. This fall I want to try again. 

I don’t know if you are familiar with Kendra Adachi, a.k.a. The Lazy Genius, but her tagline is to “be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don’t.” So, I want to be a “Lazy Genius” about my evening routine for the month of September. I’m going to start small (one of the principles in her book The Lazy Genius Way), and just try for one month, see how it goes, and then re-evaluate after that. 

Kendra always starts with the question “what matters most?” For me, in this season, I want to intentionally spend some time of silence and solitude with Jesus at the end of my day. To start let me tell you some things that have not worked against me in the past:

I want this to be the very last thing I do before my head hits the pillow. This always fails because I have a hard time getting to sleep at night. My mind is quite active (even though this is also the worst time to have a deep conversation with me). Often if I’ve had a busy day I’m also overstimulated and I need time to unwind and calm my nervous system, but those things are unpredictable in how long it will take before my mind and nervous system are ready for sleep. 

I want to structure a whole plan to calm my nervous system. This typically doesn’t work because I make it too elaborate. I know how to calm my nervous system with yoga, a soothing bath, diffusing essential oils, relaxing music, and staying away from screens. But when I try to do all those things every night, it is too much. 

I have tried reading before bed. The book is either not captivating enough and my mind wanders instead of slowing down, or the book is too captivating and I don’t stop reading until well past when I want to be asleep. So, reading before bed is out. 

I try to establish a set time to begin an evening routine. But my schedule is too varied. As much as I’d like to be in bed at 8:30 and asleep by 9pm, that doesn’t always happen, and it can’t always happen. There are nights when I have ministry events or I’m hanging out with friends until about that time or later. Or my mind and nervous system are too wired to go to bed at that point. So consistent time doesn’t work.

I start too early or too late. During the school year, I noticed that I would be depleted almost immediately upon getting home from work. So by the time I had made and finished eating dinner, I was exhausted and didn’t want to even clean up after dinner. This then also triggered a desire to snack my way through the evening. (This was also helpful to notice this pattern so that I could move away from that unhealthy eating pattern in my day. My body was craving food, especially sweets, because I was tired and wanted quick energy from sugars and carbs.) Because of this energy depletion, it was a struggle to even start getting ready for bed, and consequently, I pushed it off until I was dragging myself to bed, barely brushing my teeth and often not taking the supplements my body needed in the evening. 

There were a couple helpful things I have learned over the past couple months that I’d like to implement in trying a new evening routine. 

In Atomic Habits, James Clear talks about habit stacking, that is, attaching a new habit onto an existing habit. For me, the existing habit is brushing my teeth and taking supplements before bed. So, perhaps, attaching a simple habit of starting my diffuser when I brush my teeth, is a good place to start – to calm my nervous system. Calming my nervous system at the end of the day is essential, even though it is not technically my top priority of intentionally spending time with Jesus.

Another thing I want to try is preparing for bed before it’s even time for bed. So, instead of waiting until five minutes before I want to be in bed to brush my teeth, shift that habit to earlier. Right after cleaning the kitchen from dinner, have a simple dessert, and then immediately brush my teeth and take my supplements for the evening, even getting into pajamas for the night. This way, whenever I am tired, instead of needing to get ready for bed, I am already ready and can climb right into bed. The energy is used up front before I lose momentum for the night. This idea counteracts several of the roadblocks I have come across in the past. 

But, if what matters most in my evening routine is spending time with Jesus at the end of my day, how do I fit that into this plan? 

I have mentioned the Prayer of Examen before, and I think I’d like to use this as a time of prayer and reflection at the end of my day. Combining this with a few restorative yoga poses will be a good way to calm my nervous system simultaneously.

But I think this is too big of a step to add. It’s too cumbersome and bulky to practice consistently right away. So, starting small: first, connecting a few deep breaths with a breath prayer, then as that becomes a habit increase to a short 5 minute meditation and from there build into a 15 minute Examen Prayer. 

As to the timing of this practice, I am going to have to experiment with that. Perhaps attaching it to the already formed habit of brushing my teeth. Perhaps establishing it as a routine just prior to dessert. Perhaps I attach it to the end of my work day rather than the end of the full day. Or perhaps I put it on the front side of preparing for dinner.

Figuring out what does and doesn’t work for me in this season is worth exploring. Experimenting like this gives me insight into how I function and as I gather data about how I function I can begin to notice patterns that help me to understand why I function this way. 

I rather like learning how other people process goals and habits, how they find their own rhythms and routines. So I hope that in processing through my own habits and how I build routines, it will inspire you to look at your own habits, routines, and rhythms. Experiment and pay attention to what works for you. Fall is a great time to establish or reestablish rhythms and routines as there is often a shift in the natural flow of the days. Frequently, summer has a bit more relaxed vibe, even for those who don’t have kids or function on a school year schedule. While I think fall has the right energy to start fresh and add structure. 

Don’t forget to start small! Small trajectory is still growth. If you start too big, it will be overwhelming and much easier to give up before you can gain any momentum. And if you’d like more about building rhythms and routines, check out the Lazy Genius. She has two books, The Lazy Genius Way and The Lazy Genius Kitchen and a weekly podcast. She, also, has a time management book, The PLAN, coming out in October that I am excited to read.